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Thursday, 25 September 2014

Lizards and Coins

So, if many of you know me, I used to live in Thailand. I was a little child back then (Mentally I still am, but shh, nobody needs to know..just kidding, my insanity is on the inter-webs for everyone to see, so yes.)

Today I am going to talk about a really sensitive subject between me and my family, it's gonna be hard.
Still here? Just kidding it's not sensitive at all. Just some good 'Ol false adverstising. Okay, shut up Monique.

When I was in Thailand, I lived in a house with a crap-ton of wildlife. Feel like getting a cup of coffee? BAM. Frickin' snake in your living room. And we had a lady who came to tend the gardens, dunno why, I mean, there could be a rare radioactive Pokemon in the bushes waiting to kill you. We had a calm little pond with a bunch of nice 'ol fishies. Until one day we saw fishies dissapear. For some reason they were all migrating, and they didn't even pay the darn rent..
So every day we saw less fishies swimming, until one day, the culprit laid it's scaly, ugly self upon our eyes.
(Now you're probably thinking - Monique, that's not a very nice thing to say about a person.) Plot twist. It was a big freaking Monitor lizard just sitting in our yard! A Big. Freaking. Monitor. Lizard.

"Y'know, just chilling, don't mind me, but I rate your snack bar five stars!"
Now wait, it gets better. The lady who tended the yards came rushing in yelling:
"Wait! Wait! Take this coin! Take the coin and scratch it on the lizard's back! It'll then show you the winning numbers for the lottery!"
Okay, who in the right mind, I mean, who in the right mind, is going to scratch that?!


That scaly mother-trucker!
So yeah, a small note to you. No, my mother is not going to scratch a coin on a potentially murderous dinosaur lizard. So please, refrain from becoming a millionaire.

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