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Thursday, 28 August 2014

The dreaded day approaches.

  The dreaded day approaches. Prisoners file in line waiting for the dreaded moment. The moment their freedom is taken away from them as the dictatorship rules their lives.
In related news, school is in a week. I guess the first day of school is exciting. Y'know spending a couple 300 bucks on school supplies to show them off for a day, then realize you only have a pencil left for the rest of the entire year? Awesome.
You know how the entire world is throwing cold water on themselves for charity? Well, I'll tell you what. Guess who called? Environmentalists. They want their water back. As soon as they finish throwing water on themselves. No, but really, donate money for ALS research, it's a good cause.
They're starting to bring out fall clothes. You know why they call it fall? Because we all want to fall asleep forever because winter is coming. (Well at least until winter's over, so for us in Canada, we want to be awake for maybe a week)

On the bright side for anybody who reads this, that means more stories of me almost dying on a skihill, so YAY FOR NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS! WEE!

So expect more embarrassing stories in the coming months. Also, stay tuned for my great first day extravaganza next week on Monday.
Who knows what things I'll trip over or fall into.
Until then,  you will need to find amusement in this:

The amusement is it's nothing, so you'll need to figure out what the blank spot means.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Monique's Guide to being a weirdo in public

Everyone's always all about being polite in public. What's that? Just kidding, I can't even go up to someone and ask them for those little ketchup packets. I guess I shouldn't ask the person in the next stall of the bathroom for ketchup packets.
No but to be perfectly candid, I am shy and polite in person. That's why I decided to put together a list of things you should do in public for me! Pfft, I'm not ruining my reputation, go ruin yours for me!

Monique's Guide to being a weirdo in public
1. Walk around a mall or somewhere while muttering to yourself
"Darn, where did my pet snake go?"
2. In the bathroom, quietly slip a note to the person in the next stall that says:
Do you like me?
Yes or no?
3. In an elevator sing
4. Go to a maternity store and try some clothes on. When the store clerk comes over and asks you have everything is doing say:
Why do these clothes make me look pregnant?
5. Ask a random stranger for an autograph and then squeel like a teenager.
6. Go to a store and pick out a bunch of random items. Walk to the cashier. When they ask you if you're ready quietly whisper:
"You'll need these items in your future, use them wisely."
Slowly walk away.

Alright, see you guys.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Diary of a hormonal fourteen-year-old (Slash mutant fly thing human baby..) (thing)

Yeah, put this in the embarrassing teen diary entries, but you know it's true. People, you know it's true.
In advance, I'd like to apologize that I haven't written for, like, a month. I was busy doin' stuff. Y'know, the kind of stuff you dismiss as stuff because it isn't actually stuff it's just you doing nothing and probably fighting with a stranger on the internet over what fictional character is the best? people don't do that? Well then I just made this very awkward between the two of us. I think we need to see other people.
Wow I just single-handedly confessed all my inner secrets and broke up with a blog reader in a paragraph. Good for me. I am getting better at this blogging jazz.
Right. Hormones. I'd like to explain the fact that I like reading. In case you didn't already get it after the countless blog entries about fictional characters, writing, and books. Pfft, clueless.  Am I damaging your self-esteem? I feel like I am damaging your self esteem.
Annnnywayys, it seems nowadays I have the attention span of a mutant-fly-thing.
Maybe I am growing younger, maybe I am an old person now, and I am just growing younger. Maybe I am a human baby! Y'know, that little exclamation mark after human baby just makes it sound more naive than I thought it would sound.

Hi, I'm back. Okay, I guess what this "Diary" is trying to prove is that I need therapy and I am now a mutant-fly-thing-human-baby

P.S I missed talking to you guys or this pixelated paper, whichever one of the two. If you stuck around this long, gold star for you!
P.P.S Everybody knows that everyone only reads the Ps parts of my blog because they are the only sane part of the entries. Or maybe because I give out stars. Wuttever..
See ya!