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Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Superhero camp woman

A couple years ago I went to this superhero camp: (I was never cool, y'all.) 
I was the only female specimen in the entire camp. Of course, with my species threatened I decided to mark my territory. (KIDDING. KIDDING.)
I was shunned by the entire cult of pre-teen boys who enjoy reading books about buff men in spandex.

Then he came along. He was a stalky, chubby little boy. Now, not sure he was aware of the territory he was already in, because any other less creepy pick-up line would have worked. Such as:
"Hey, you look like you peed your pants can I help you to the nearest bathroom"
"Hi. You're a woman, right?"
Or this one, this one is very original and never used before:

Instead this boy decided to use this:
Him: Wuts a preety gurl like you doin' all alone?
Me: I dunno.
Him: Do ya have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: Well, I used to have a girlfriend and well, she cheated on me wif mah best friend. They were french kissing on the stairs and I caught 'em it was terrible.
The camp director then comes and asks us how we're doing, and the guy replies:

"Oh nothing, just telling this girl about how my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend by french kissing on the stairs."
The camp director just kinda stood there with a look of horror until I finally said:
" I don't really know this guy" 

The reasoning for this is because I left out one very important detail.
He was eleven.

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Omg guyz we reached 2K

2,000! Yes! Man that's a lot of views, I'd like to thank everyone who takes time out of their life to waste their time here. That's awesome. And also a huge waste of time, get back to work! In short, I left a survey on the blog to see what kind of content y'all would like to waste your time viewing!
And in celebration of this I wanted to do something special, so make sure you vote for whatever you want and I shall do the one with the highest votes.
But I need votes so you can turn this:

Into this:

Still creepy as heck, but at least you can see the awesome dentist work shown above^
No that is not a plus side. Y'know what. Just vote, and I'll never show this meme again..
But really, I just wanted to thank everyone because it's awesome that people want to see my opinions on stuff. That also means my embarassing stories have been read by 2,000 people. Anyways, I am rambling on, as Led Zeppelin once said.

Chicken war. Also, did you know Chickens sounds cooler when you spell it as "Chiken"

I had a dream last night, and for those of you wondering, no I have not died. I'm still here, tripping over things, walking around with my fly down, etc.
So here it is, my nightmare.

We live in an apocalyptic world. A totalitarian government runs it all (Hehe, I see you Fox news.)
Our parents decide to take a trip to this place between Edmonton and Mexico. (Don't ask)
We take this public bus, and it's filled with people obsessed with chickens. Everyone has baskets of live chickens. So in fear that I will get my laptop stolen, I put in my bag. We arrive at this place and it's rustic as hell. We walk around, and there's nobody. Just barrels like those ones you see in movies. Not necessarily filled with anything, just there. Probably all the poop from the godang chickens everywhere.
Across the horizon is a town filled with chickens. I mean there is a frigen tornado of it. Beats sharknado any day. So we walk to our hotel room. (Now you must understand this chicken town is not safe). We hear a bunch of soldiers running from across some houses, and there is an elevator to the hotel. But some damn chickens are blocking it! So my dad shoves them chickens out and the elevator opens. We get to our room, and late at night we hear gunshots. Turns out there's a secret society that tries to get rid of any of the guests that come to chicken town. In short, the hotel owners were behind it, and some crazy way my dad and I managed to get our family back on the bus filled with chickens and survive. The end.

It taunts me.