Ducks and Chemicals Vs. Non-Ducks and Non-Chemicals

It's funny how in today's society throwing chemicals at your face and trying to be a duck is considered attractive yet not throwing chemicals on your face and not trying to be a duck is considered unattractive.*

Moral of the story: Ducks have ruined society 

[WANTED] THESE TWO SUBJECTS HAVE BEEN RECENTLY SPOTTED ON VARIOUS WOMEN'S FACES ACROSS THE GLOBE. SUBSTANTIAL REWARD IF FOUND DEAD OR ALIVE/ STABLE OR UNSTABLE

Apperances: The second suspect has been found sporting an hourglass figure, and usually wearing very revealing garments. The first suspect has usually been found as an imposter for the victim's mouth. 

If found please call: 1800-I-Need-help-trying-to-fix-society-and-myself

Or E-mail at Ihavetoomuchtimeonmyhands@emailplace.com

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*In case you had a little trouble undestanding this personification and weird analogy, I was talking about Duck faces and makeup. Also, that number and E-mail doesn't exist. Good luck finding it.
P.S Don't send me a dead duck in the mail please, or any radioactive substances. I actually do like ducks a fair amount, so if you're going to mail me a duck, at least mail it alive? Thanks.